“It takes courage…to endure the sharp pains of self discovery rather than choose to take the dull pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives.”
― Marianne Williamson
After having such a wholly enjoyable flight over the last two weeks, I needed a bit of time to fully acknowledge how I felt about the trip itself. I hesitated to, upon landing, rush to crack open the laptop and start spilling my feelings. (If I wrote right after landing, trust me it would have been all roses and unicorns… sometimes a moment of reflection in the face of reality is more sustainable) I wanted to allow the photographs, feelings, ideas and memories to simmer for a bit before throwing it all out here. It is now Friday, Jan 6th and it is time to write (again. you will see what I mean in a moment)
What I ventured to create when I embarked upon my flight training was an environment of betterment and continually refreshed optimism, in the form of self-improvement. I knew that it was not something I had to do by enforcement of another’s opinion, but rather something that I HAD to do because I was simply happy when I was in the air. What I ended up with at the end is a full-blown, nerve-inducing, how-the-hell-am-I-going-to-pull-this-off kind of CALLING. Since the trip, I can’t seem to sleep, I can’t seem to focus, I am all over the place and people have started to notice. Uh-oh.
“Always seek less turbulent skies.
Hurt. Fly above it.
Betrayal. Fly above it.
Anger. Fly above it.
You are the one who is flying the plane.”
― Marianne Williamson
You would think after a trip this amazing, that I would be on top of the world. Here’s the problem… I WAS on top of the world. I tasted greatness in the form of what it feels like to be the most amazing version of myself. Focused, driven, on a mission. Returning to daily life, which cannot always be filled with airplanes, blue skies and tailwinds means that you have to figure out how to translate the feelings of your top-of-the-world moments into your daily life and let them carry you between the high points. Think of it like a zip line between the really exciting “point of interest” moments.
I have tried to write this blog about eight times now. I seem to have the opposite of writer’s block, where every time I start writing, I go in about 132 different directions. It seems to be some sort of writer’s Niagra Falls and I am the lady going over the edge in a barrel. I tell myself, “Hey Amelia… take your own advice and start rockin’ it. You look pretty pathetic sitting on your kitchen counter, next to countless journals and the computer in your pajamas eating spoonfuls of Nutella”. Because in the beginning I said that this blog would be a fully transparent look at my experiences, I feel like it is okay to admit that I am a little overwhelmed with the possibility and potential of setting and creating a new goal. Of course, the flying will continue, the trips will be made, but how to I take this to the next level of awesome, which is what I tasted when I was in the midst of the transcontinental flight.
I have ideas to get people excited about aviation, I want to help people who can’t afford to pay for flight training, I want to talk to kids about airplanes and how they can be a part of this amazingly joyful world, I want to fly around the world, I want to do it all… and as for right now, it is keeping me from doing much of anything above and beyond my day-to-day, which is exactly what I have been preaching about this whole time!
Don’t get me wrong, I know that my flight was not record or ground breaking. It was simply a way for me to get real life experience in the airplane while doing something that felt exceptional to me. I felt joy, amazement, beauty, power, freedom, intelligence, and respect for what I had created and that, my friend, is pretty damn exceptional! We all deserve to feel that way, as often as possible. It is not selfish, petty, or indulgent. It is what our deepest selves strive for and it feels really good.
When I get to points like this, I ask myself to define the fear that has me in a holding pattern around this situation.
What I realized is that it takes a hell of a lot of energy and gusto to be a passionate person. It can’t be forced and it doesn’t come in the form of a pill or an energy drink. It takes that inner calling and drive to get closer to a life where you have the natural bounce in your step just because you are doing that thing you love. Where is all this confusion, unsettled energy, antsy-ness coming from? My own fear.
My fear is this: there is nothing stopping me from doing these things except my own, self-imposed limitations.
Ding ding ding! **epiphany** Ok, here we go…
It is time to look my self-imposed limitations in the eye, clench my fist and punch them square in the face.
Gotta end it with the only quote that makes sense here:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”